--- Annoying/Embarrassing Habits ---


  1. "NoNo" is actually a word. I do understand what it means, and I will not play dumb when it is said.

  2. Biting and clawing frantically on the door of my cage will not get me out; it will, however, get me wet from my human's squirt bottle.

  3. Dragging my female human's used sanitary pads out of the bin into the lounge when guests are visiting (or any other time) is a no-no. But it does turn her face a lovely shade of red.

  4. Ferrets do not need to shower their humans with kisses after they made sure that the other ferrets are not imposters by smelling their butts.

  5. Ferrets do not wear make-up. I do not need to investigate my human's make-up bag.

  6. I am not a local dump truck. Some humans do actually USE the stuff in their house.

  7. I am not Jacques Cousteau. The 125 gallon reef aquarium is not my personal scuba diving spot.

  8. I do not have to check out every new thing that comes into the house.

  9. I do not need to know what is behind the litter box or my food dish.

  10. I have enough toys, I do not need to find new ones that aren't toys.

  11. I must not go walkabout while my human is at work, so that her parents have to go looking for me.

  12. I must not practice my mountaineering techniques by scaling the dog's water bucket. Nor is the dog's water bucket is not the place to practice for my attempt to be the first ferret to swim the English Channel.

  13. I must not throw a temper tantrum because my human won't let me play in her sewing box. (It is filled with all sorts of interesting things like cotton reels, rotary cutters, scissors, pins etc.)

  14. I shall not think of being sprayed with the Bad Ferret Squirt Bottle as a challenge and ferociously attack said bottle and the human wielding it.

  15. I shouldn't lie in wait and dash for the front door as it's closing.

  16. I shouldn't root through guests' purses/coats - they don't understand me.

  17. I will cease trying to pull the bottom five CD's out of the CD tower.

  18. I will never again find the hole in the floor at grandma's house that eventually leads to the outside world. I will not go out for a dig in the dirt, only to sneak back in through the hole as if nothing has ever happened. (The red dirt of east Texas will always give me away.)

  19. I will no longer climb to the top of the bookcase and wait for my human to walk by so I can pounce on her. This scares her and she might miss catching me, and it also makes her turn funny shades of red and talk about Sun River Bridges.

  20. I will no longer have ambitions for being a hamster, hiding stuff is completely useless since I get a bowl of food everyday, which I by the way also hide in my personal city dump.

  21. I will not attack rubber-soled shoes while my human or my human's guest is wearing them.

  22. I will not attempt to chew the crotch of my human's jeans while she is wearing them.

  23. I will not attempt to evade my human by bounding through the grass in the paddock, making her lunge at me several times. Exploring rabbit burrows is enough excitement for one day.

  24. I will not be like walking a water balloon when on a leash.

  25. I will not bite in hopes of getting a raisin.

  26. I will not claim possession by rubbing my crotch on all my humans' shoes, video game controllers, plates, beanie-babies, movies, DVDs, remote controls, toys that are my brothers', or anything else I can straddle.

  27. I will not climb into my human's recliner in order to nest and play in the impossible-to-reach area under the cushion.

  28. I will not climb into the cupboards and then up to the top drawer to fall asleep on the straws causing my humans to search for me for three hours.

  29. I will not climb into the subwoofer hole in my human's expensive stereo speakers, and I will not remove the sock that she stuffs in the hole when I am out of my cage.

  30. I will not climb the baby gate and go exploring in the fish room. It scares all the fish and chewing on the air tubes is NOT a good idea.

  31. I will not climb the curtains.

  32. I will not climb the kitty-condo in order to get to the printer.

  33. I will not climb the outside of my cage and then leap through the air to land on the futon. I might miss and hit the floor instead and hurt myself.

  34. I will not climb the upstairs porch to the rail and jump to the roof to explore the gutter system. It makes my human panic.

  35. I will not climb through the top of the bedroom closet where a small hole to the ceiling is, and give my human a fright as she tries to figure out how to get me out of the ceiling. I will not play in said ceiling and return (at my leisure), covered in dirt, to show my human how much fun I had. I will not then return to said ceiling playground the next day in spite of my human's best efforts to block the way in and again return happy and covered in dirt.

  36. I will not completely flatten myself so I can crawl underneath the bedroom door of the sleeping guest who is not fond of ferrets just so I can crawl into bed with her and lick her toes.

  37. I will not dig into my male human's porn magazines. I am not old enough to be allowed to view such material (I had just gotten home and let the ferret out and had a bag with two in there. I learned well: Bags attract ferrets.)

  38. I will not display all of my humans' most personal articles of clothing to every guest we have.

  39. I will not do my war dance and give cheek while my human is reprimanding me.

  40. I will not drink out of my humans' friends glasses. They don't like to share as much as my humans do

  41. I will not escape from my car cage while my humans are driving. Having to stop the car and dig me out of the suitcases is not their idea of fun.

  42. I will not escape outside in the freezing snow on New Years Eve and play hide and seek under the deck while the human is trying to catch me. (I was wearing my best outfit at the time, and slippers.)

  43. I will not get my human's PJ bottoms while she is asleep and have a party in her pants.

  44. I will not go into the furnace ducts that are on the floor. They are dirty and it scares the humans.

  45. I will not have a tantrum when my human makes me quit climbing the furniture.

  46. I will not hide in the insulation layer of the stove so my humans have to take it apart to get me out.(My little girl ferret Korki loves this trick.)

  47. I will not hide under any appliances that are too heavy to move.

  48. I will not hide/fall asleep where my humans cannot find me.

  49. I will not hiss at, spit at or bite the judge. I will not bring home any ribbons that way.

  50. I will not investigate the ENTIRE basket of laundry, bother my human until she finally knocks it over for me, and then promptly forget about it.

  51. I will not knock over anything that is on a table just so I can watch it hit the floor.

  52. I will not lie in wait beside the front door whenever I hear the doorbell ring. And I'll definitely stop organizing all the others to make a rush with me, so at least one of us can get out.

  53. I will not lift up the gate with my front feet while on my back in order to escape into the "forbidden zone".

  54. I will not perform amazing acrobatics on the chain that follows the chandelier extension chord to the plug-in.

  55. I will not play Houdini when my human has me on a leash.

  56. I will not play tug of war with the phone cord when my human is talking on the phone.

  57. I will not pretend to care about the chips in the bag just so my human will let me pounce on the bag to hear it go crunch.

  58. I will not put a death-grip on my human's mother's slipper soles requiring two people to pry me off of them. Hanging from your teeth is for experienced acrobats in the circus only.

  59. I will not scale up anything available in order to get a better look at what's out there.

  60. I will not scream at the baby and hang from his diaper because he won't let me have his bottle.

  61. I will not sleep in the dog food bag and spring out when my human goes to feed the dog.

  62. I will not sneak into the bathroom and drag the plastic wrapped feminine protection into the living room when the humans have guests over. They do not think its funny. (My mom's ferret Sugar did that and never got into the bathroom again).

  63. I will not sneak into the kitchen cupboards and play in the dishes/grocery bags/garbage can.

  64. I will not sneak outdoors. I'm a ferret and need supervision lest my curiosity get me in trouble. I may not be able to find my way home.

  65. I will not stalk and then attack my human's bare ankles whilst she is ironing causing her to stop what she's doing, leaving the iron face down, so she can try to catch me. Scorch marks are not attractive on her work clothes.

  66. I will not stalk and then attack my human's bare ankles whilst she is ironing lest I startle her into dropping the hot iron on her feet--or me!

  67. I will not stay down in the rabbit burrow, after scaring the bunny out, for so long that the humans start to think of getting a shovel to dig me out. Particularly when the sun is going down.

  68. I will not step on my human's feet to get attention, then run over to the potty and pretend to be doing my business in anticipation of getting the Ferrettone reward.

  69. I will not try to climb into the bookcase behind the books and set my humans on a ferret hunt that drives them to distraction.

  70. I will not try to escape from my harness and scare my human half to death by running over to the next door neighbors and touring the underneath of their tool shed while human is calling my name frantically.

  71. I will not try to run out the door when the delivery man is at the door trying to deliver packages and then go and sulk, hiding where my humans don't know where I am therefore, throwing them into a panic thinking I am lost.

  72. I will not try to run under the shelves in Petsmart. I will also not hump the cat trees.

  73. I will respect my human's ferret proofing techniques and try not to create more things to hide from my presence.

  74. I will stop trying to dig through the bottom of my cage. It makes it really staticky and hard to clean when my mom tries to sweep the kitty litter and it comes right back to the same spot

  75. I will try not to chew on the velcro on the human's leg brace when she's wearing it. I will wait until she takes it off. (My aunt is unable to sleep in her leg brace now, because the fuzzies wait until she's asleep and try to remove it for her...)

  76. If I am allowed to ride in the hood of a coat, it is not so that I may have a front row seat for licking and or suckling on the ears of the coat's owner.

  77. If I am being carried in a coat during sub-arctic temperatures, it does not mean I may evict the arm that also is using the coat for warmth.

  78. If my human tosses me at the cats in an effort to get me to annoy them instead of her, I will do as she wishes instead of returning to bite her toes.

  79. It is my human's bed, not mine. I will stop biting her when she tries to climb into it.

  80. My human's use of the Bad Ferret Squirt Bottle is supposed to annoy me, not be considered as a new and exciting game.

  81. My male human can move anything out from the wall to retrieve my fuzzy little butt. I will remember this the next time I go behind the dishwasher.

  82. NO-NO does not mean "go-go".

  83. The cave behind the refrigerator, the inside lining of couches where humans can't reach and the space inside the wall (through the tiny opening under a cabinet only visible to trained ferret escape artists), while terribly fun places to hold a pajama party with all my other ferret friends are not ferret sleeping and/or partying and/or pooping places.

  84. Though I can run and dodge like Barry Sanders, my human doesn't need proof when he's trying to catch me in the hallway after a break out.

  85. We do not need to investigate the bag of poopies when our human is cleaning our litter boxes.

  86. We will not escape the cage, hide under the couch, and grab our human's hubby's leg. (My husband thought we had rats in the house, and nearly brained them with a large book!)

  87. We will not go outside without permission and supervision and give our human a heart attack while she runs around madly shaking a box of raisins.

  88. When my humans have gone to such diligent pains to block cracks of doors with blankets, towels, heavy objects, moats, or fencing material it is inconsiderate to insult their efforts by removing these barriers and escaping into the big playland in five seconds, resulting in my human removing the entire contents of the aforementioned playland leading to a two-hour search and six-hour cleaning project while I escape undetected through my frantic human's legs and take a nap in my cage looking ever so angelic. In the future I will play dumb and take at least five minutes to remove the barrier.

  89. When punished I should not respond by war dancing and dooking.




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