--- Bathroom Misbehaviour ---

1. 
   A bath will not hurt me. I can learn to like it. I can, I can, I can.
2. 
   Baths are good… baths are good… baths are good.
3. 
   Ferrets do not need to come running every time the male human has to pee, they do not need to jump up on the toilet to see where the pee is going, they do not need to get in the way of pee.
4. 
   Ferrets do not need to investigate where the water in the toilet goes when it is flushed. Humans may not always be there to fish me out!
5. 
   I am not going to drown in the tub, so I need to relax and let the worries of my day soak away instead of flailing wildly and scratching my human's hands up.
6. 
   I will never again climb up the bathroom shelves and jump onto my human's back as she leans over the sink to wash her face.
7. 
   I will not attempt to escape the bath by climbing up my human's sleeves.
8. 
   I will not bite and nip at my human when she is washing her face, has soap in her eyes, cannot see or stop me and then 'pout' in the hallway when she shuts me out of the bathroom. F:Zfrom: Amber Gumm
9. 
   I will not chew the little metal weights out of the bottom of the shower curtain to play with.
10. 
    I will not climb into my human's dropped pants/shorts/undies while s/he's sitting on the throne.
11. 
    I will not climb up the bare arm of the human to get out of the bath and hang on and shred said arm while the human tries to unlatch me.
12. 
    I will not die of thirst if I don't get to drink water directly from the bathtub tap. The water in my bowl is fresh and clean.
13. 
    I will not dive into the toilet bowl to see what's in there. My human says its full of germs.
14. 
    I will not follow my human into the bathroom and bite her backside when she sits down.
15. 
    I will not follow my humans into the bathroom, wait until they are "occupied," and climb into their bunched up pants to curl up and get comfortable. The bunched up pants on the floor are not a new sleeping spot.
16. 
    I will not follow my humans into the bathroom, wait until they are "occupied," and poop in a corner while they are helpless to stop me.
17. 
    I will not hang off the bottom of my human's towel when she is trying to dry herself after a shower. This is even less fun when she has a broken foot and is trying to keep her balance because she is in plaster.
18. 
    I will not hide in the shower until an unsuspecting male visitor needs to use the toilet and jump out at him to his arms while he is using it. The visitor and my human do not like cleaning up the floor and the walls from a missed stream.
19. 
    I will not hide the towel while my human is taking a shower.
20. 
    I will not immediately jump into the empty bathtub, then look at my sucker human pitifully so that she will retrieve me every two minutes, even though I am fully capable of jumping out myself if I really wanted to.
21. 
    I will not jump in the tub and do laps and use my human as a resting spot when I get tire while she is enjoying her bath.
22. 
    I will not mysteriously appear in the bathtub with no visible way to have arrived in said bathtub.
23. 
    I will not pounce on my human's toes through the shower curtain, especially when she has a head full of shampoo suds.
24. 
    I will not snatch onto the end of the toilet paper and dash gleefully in and out of every room in the house, and upon NOT getting caught turn the trail into TINY SHREDS. (Apparently this is not the human's idea of decorating for the holidays.)
25. 
    I will not take a flying leap from the counter on to my human's lap when she is sitting on the throne, even in the day light, when she is awake.
26. 
    I will not tear a hole in the brand new package of toilet paper, crawl inside and shred it to bits, then proceed to spread it all over the bathroom.
27. 
    I will refrain from applying my icy cold wet nose to the naked thighs of the human sitting on the toilet.
28. 
    I will save my high-jump, hurdle, pole-vaulting, and curtain-climbing abilities for the Olympics and not bath time.
29. 
    I will stop lying in wait when I hear my human draining the bathtub, even though dripping ankles are fun to lick.
30. 
    If my head is above the water, I won't drown.
31. 
    Remembering that I hate water, I will not sprint to the shower as soon as someone opens the restroom door, getting soaked in the process.
32. 
    The bathroom is not a mystical playground.
33. 
    Throwing myself against the walls of the bathtub will not break it. It is also very difficult to dig a tunnel through the side of a bathtub.
34. 
    We shall not run into the bathroom and lick the water off our human's legs after she showers.
35. 
    We will not frantically claw and jump at the tub in an attempt to rescue our male human while he is taking a shower. This causes our female human to remove us from the room, so that we must lie in front of the door and stare at the crack until he emerges, unharmed and tasting of soap. He is quite safe. Strangely, he actually enjoys being wet.
36. 
    When my human is sitting on the potty, pants around the ankles do not a hammock make.