--- Destroying ---

1. 
   Although they are round, Christmas tree ornaments are not eggs. I will not try to open them by banging them against the heater. (We sure thought this was cute until the first one broke.)
2. 
   Every plastic bag does not necessarily have something good to eat in the bottom of it. I do not need to chew a hole in it to find out.
3. 
   I will not chew holes in my human's favorite raw silk nightgown just because I thought it would feel good against my teeth. I will not use above said nightgown as a bath towel after I have been bathed, either.
4. 
   I will not chew holes in the toes and heels of socks, or in underwear.
5. 
   I will not chew my human's high heels.
6. 
   I will not chew my human's rubber spatulas.
7. 
   I will not chew on my human's only good pair of work shoes.
8. 
   I will not chew on my human's wallet, no matter how delicious the leather.
9. 
   I will not chew on the water bed.
10. 
    I will not chew Styrofoam.
11. 
    I will not chew the buttons off of my human's cell phone.
12. 
    I will not chew the buttons off the remote control, making them unrecognizable. My human cannot use it anymore and the universal remote she had to buy will not program the VCR, which made her very angry.
13. 
    I will not chew the eyeballs and noses off my stuffed animals. I'm scaring the guests.
14. 
    I will not chew the handle holes on my human's cardboard bead boxes, then crawl into them and chew holes in every baggy that was separating all the beads by color, shape, size, type, etc.
15. 
    I will not chew the padding off of the stereo speakers.
16. 
    I will not chew up the carpet.
17. 
    I will not chew up the rubber buttons on the remote control.
18. 
    I will not climb in my human's bathroom drawers and all over her grooming supplies.
19. 
    I will not crawl under the dog bed, flip onto my back and frantically shred the foam into tiny pieces.
20. 
    I will not dig through the carpet, through the carpet padding, and down to the bare floor because I'm frustrated that I'm no good at climbing.
21. 
    I will not eat all the velcro off of my human's motorcycle suit.
22. 
    I will not eat holes in my humans first addition signed Edgar Allen Poe's The Bells.
23. 
    I will not eat my human's Beanie Babies, even if the retired ones seem to taste especially good.
24. 
    I will not eat my human's printer paper, correspondence he brought home from the office, magazine covers, paperback books, CD booklets, cancelled checks, notebooks, and matchbooks.
25. 
    I will not eat my human's very expensive underwear just because I like the feeling of cotton between my teeth.
26. 
    I will not feel compelled to kill any toy that has been near or contains catnip to the point it is no longer recognizable as a toy.
27. 
    I will not insist on burrowing into the underside of the couches, so that my humans have to finally give up and take their legs off so that they rest flat on the floor.
28. 
    I will not jump 4 feet vertically to get into the garbage can, because once I'm inside I can't figure how to get out, and I am shredding all the garbage bags, rendering them useless, in the process. (But it's funny to watch my human pick up the full bag and have it explode all over the clean kitchen floor.)
29. 
    I will not jump on and bite all the balloons (at birthday parties) until they pop just because they are soft and bigger that I am.
30. 
    I will not lie on my back and scratch all of the cloth out from under the living room furniture causing my human to reupholster all of it, and get *really* angry at me.
31. 
    I will not mutilate my stuffed toys beyond recognition because I think I need to discipline them. (Bandit, the middle child has a thing about his toys. They are "HIS" and no one is to touch them so he hides them all in his secret place. Sometimes we take them all out of there so that we can watch him frantically put them back one by one and then scold each one for leaving it's designated place. Cruel but funny. If we take the one out of his cage, which is always to be in the right hand corner of their sleep/play area he will go to any length to return it to it's exact spot -- and of course it gets disciplined. I have to sew it back together all the time. It has no neck left)
32. 
    I will not pull the lace doily off of the table, sending large chunks of amethyst and an antique clock to their doom, just because the first time I did it, it worked (he did the trick - he yanked the doily off the table and nothing moved! Now I can't get him to stop trying.)
33. 
    I will not reach the closet shelf by climbing up my human's silk chiffon designer dress that she got an incredible deal on and has been gloating over ever since.
34. 
    I will not rip holes in my humans nylons, especially when she is wearing the $15.00 per pair really nice ones.
35. 
    I will not rip out half of the underside of my human's couch to create a place to stash everything I steal.
36. 
    I will not rip out hide, chew, and all in all destroy the insoles out of my humans Nikes, Justin boots. Nor will no longer leave any presents like dead mice in them either.
37. 
    I will not rip pieces of foam off of my humans' Ab-Roller.
38. 
    I will not roll around in the fireplace before dashing around the house.
39. 
    I will not scratch and ruin the mini-human's new carpet just so he can have new carpet that he will like better.
40. 
    I will not shred my human's pillow all over the bed.
41. 
    I will not shred the liners of my humans' snow boots trying to pull them out.
42. 
    I will not steal my humans' cigarette packs and poke holes into every single cigarette, rendering them unsmokeable once my humans find them. (Well, maybe that's a hint? -- HR)
43. 
    I will not suddenly decide to shred the glossy covers on my human's much loved and carefully handled hardcover books, even if they are on the bottom shelf. They have been here longer than I have, and I have never before shown any interest in them.
44. 
    It is not nice to drag food (human and ferret) to hidden nooks and crannies until the only way we find it is when the smell is strong enough to locate by scent. Same goes for poop.
45. 
    My human does not like to decorate with broken glass. I will not knock over valuables.
46. 
    My obese little brother digs better than me. I have to learn to deal with that and not try to out do him.
47. 
    No matter how much I try, I cannot dig a tunnel under the door, so I will stop shredding the carpet trying.
48. 
    Piggy banks break when pushed off the table. Though very fun, it is an enjoyment we can only experience once.
49. 
    The computer CDs can not have holes dug into them no matter how hard I try. It only scratches them to unusability and my human doesn't like replacing them all the time.
50. 
    The insides of couches/my human's bed are not ferret beds.
51. 
    We shall not scratch at the couch to get in, and when reprimanded give kisses to save our bottoms.