Manitoba ferret association

Laughter and Mayhem
By Lynne Vickery

Partway down the hall Peaches noticed a stream of water. She quickened her pace and flung open the bathroom door. Both taps were open full boar, the sink and tub drains were stuffed with what appeared to be bloated sausages and the water was lapping at the toes of a very small sable kit perched on the edge on the potty chair.

Fearing a drowning was imminent Peaches snatched the infant from the chair. There was the sound of ripping and tearing shortly followed my high pitched Kit Squeals. Peaches looked down. The seat of the potty chair was neatly ringed with sable kit fur. It appeared that some prankster had crazy glued the seat just seconds prior to our kit settling her derriere.

Peaches stormed back down the hallway with a 2,000 sheet roll of quilted toilet paper stuck to her foot unraveling as she went. Pounding on the bedroom door she thrust the pink bottomed kit at Pudding. Pudds took one look and sighed. She didn’t think that the rare reverse-adrenal story was going to work in this case, unless they were sister and brother.

Peaches collapsed on the floor. "I don’t think this can get any worse Pudds. Thanks for stepping in for me." She looked around at the remaining 50 Kits. Yes, Pudding had been entirely helpful. What can I say. Just close your eyes and imagine 50 young impressionable kits all dressed identical - to Pudding. In the bathroom interm Pudds had done a fast wardrobe changeover herself.

She was wearing a fluffy hot pink angora sweater with ruffled collar, orange loop earings (that would be oranges on a loop suspended from her ears), 4 inch stiletto cowboy boots, and lime green stretch pants that pushed limits of lycra. She’d even managed to frost the tips of her hair metallic blue.

Peaches was speechless. Mentally she flipped through the logistics of re-dying each kits hair to it’s proper sable, white, silver mitt and etc. color, redressing them in appropriate attire and removing the 7 layers of mascara and lipstick. "They’re beautiful Pudding. Perhaps you 6 Fuzzy Fables www.manitobaferrets.ca can tell their mothers your techniques." And with that statement she bolted from the bedroom to the living room to give Squeek a paw.

Wellington was in the kitchen putting the fast food away in the fridge. He’d wrapped a 3 inch thick chair around it and was snapping a pick proof lock onto the works. At his feet was a glassed eyed/ black eyed white kit with the scant remains of a 10lb bag of gourmet French raisins. Her diaper was filled to overflowing and she was squishing her toes in the runoff.

"Boots you twit....why didn’t you change her nappy!?" "I looked at the label," he answered somewhat nasally due to the wad of Kleenex up each nostril and the clothespin on the end of his nose. "And it said it was good for up to 1 pound." Peaches grabbed the hot dog tongs out of the drawer and holding the squalling kit by the ear sent Wellington to hose her off. In the livingroom Squeek was contending with a troupe of aerial kits using ivy as their trapeze. The carpet was littered with the remains of my African Violet collection they had air rooted. Tropical fish were attempting to speed the evolutionary time table and morph into air breathing walking mammals (I always knew Darwin was wrong) before drying to a crisp in the dirt - the aquariums were empty of everything except gravel.

Pudding, Peaches, Squeek and Wellington’s eyes met over the melee. The words were unspoken but the meaning was clear. Within minutes all the Kits were lined up at the front door. Winter parkas, hats, mitts, scarves, and boots indiscriminately assigned. Wellington handed each one a teaspoon and informed them that if the 900 foot driveway was not cleaned spotlessly that there would be no Rotten Ronnies for lunch and bedtime would be advanced 5 minutes for each 10 feet of uncleaned path. There was a stampede as they shot out the door spoons shoveling madly. By 10 p.m. that evening the driveway was spotless and the last of the exhausted kits was bundled into his car seat. The house was clean, the bathroom tub unplugged, fish were hiding in the bottom corner of the tank, plastic plants replaced live ones in the livingroom, the curtains had been replaced with blinds.

Piper’s siblings were ready to keelhaul her without so much as a court martial. It turns out that during this whole escapade, Piper had been napping in the bunkbed, waking up only to snack and count her ill gotten gain. I surveyed the household and listened to their mutinous complaints as I unbolted the lock on the fridge to get myself a glass of milk.

By the time she’d covered damages, expenses and paid her siblings, Piper managed to make herself $247.63. She felt this walk into entrepreneurial- ship a great success. Visions of spandex workout wear and dates with dazzling muscular ferts danced in her head. It might have been considered a success if but for the long distance call to Ktanyota, Japan one of the kits had made for the better part of the day. The long distance charges came to $6,124.55. "It’ll be a snap to pay off." Piper announced. "I’ll just up the number in the Kit Sit Service to one hundred and seventy five. Hmmm, no, better make it an even two hundred - I saw this adorable pair of air Nike’ runners...." I turned my back and let the remainder of the Company do what they may with her.