--- Hampering ---

1. 
   I am not a licensed pilot, therefore I have no reason for screeching into the mike at the top of my lungs causing the tower to think my human is being hijacked or killed.
2. 
   I am not a pilot and shall not try and help my human do a ground check on the airplane (I might get lost).
3. 
   I cannot read, so I will not stick my entire head into the book my human is reading.
4. 
   I do not have a driver's license and cannot see over the steering wheel, therefore I do not need to help my human drive in heavy traffic when I escape my carrier.
5. 
   I do not have to peek out the window at the ground crew fueling my human's airplane - it scares them.
6. 
   I do not need to get inside the scanner.
7. 
   I do not need to steal my human's paperwork or book when she is working on it.
8. 
   I must not wait until my human is using the treadle sewing machine, then climb up inside the leg of her jeans and bite her.
9. 
   I shouldn't get into my (female) human's drawer and pull out all her sexy nighties and underwear, then hide them. Especially on the day the exterminator comes to spray.
10. 
    I will be good and still when we are riding in the car so my human will hold me up to look out the window. When we stop, however, I will not jump out and chase the dogs!
11. 
    I will not "help" my human type.
12. 
    I will not add my interpretive scratches on my human's sculpture. I am not a sculptress.
13. 
    I will not attack the net with a dead fish, steal it, and hide it God knows where until it's found by smell.
14. 
    I will not attack the vacuum cleaner when my human's using it. It would not feel good to get caught in it.
15. 
    I will not bite the human's toes while he is doing pull ups; he may just fall on me.
16. 
    I will not chase the broom while my human's sweeping - all I do is track dust/dirt where she has already swept.
17. 
    I will not dive in and out of duffel bags like a diving fish. It's fun for me, and looks funny to bystanders, but could hurt me if I misjudge/get caught in something.
18. 
    I will not drag my human's shoes under the bed, knowing he is already 10 minutes late for work and then hide when it's time for me to go to my room.
19. 
    I will not get into my human's boots and pants while he is trying to put them on.
20. 
    I will not help out the ferret sitter by unpacking all the duffel bags she just refilled. She may pack me into a duffel bag or refuse to ferret sit again, instead of just laughing and moving it all out of my reach.
21. 
    I will not hide just ONE of my human's favorite shoes just hours before she really needs them.
22. 
    I will not lick the human's armpits while he is attempting to do sit ups, although he does giggle funny. (My hubby has taken to working out at the gym because the fuzzies TORMENT him when he works out at home.)
23. 
    I will not provoke my human's father into trying to run me over with the remote controlled car.
24. 
    I will not pull on the phone cord, dragging the phone off the cradle, and then hide the phone under the bed. (Makes it really hard to get any phone calls!)
25. 
    I will not pull the plug out of the bathtub and let the water out so I won't have to get washed.
26. 
    I will not remove the innersole from my human's shoes every time I get near them.
27. 
    I will not sprint for the door of the entertainment center when my human opens it. I sometimes get my head stuck in empty VCR tape boxes. (But at least I look cute doing it.)
28. 
    I will not stage a stampede with my brothers and sisters when my human attempts to open the door to an off-bounds area.
29. 
    I will not step on the phone receiver while my human is talking on the phone.
30. 
    I will not tear up my human's papers, eat her books, bounce around on everything, or steal her pen while she is trying to do her homework.
31. 
    I will not try to scale my human's leg to get to the feather duster while she's dusting.
32. 
    I will not unplug the cable box when my owners are watching the best part of their favorite show and then hide where they can't reach me so I can do it again.
33. 
    I will not walk across the keyboard while my human is typing, no matter how much I like to hear it "sing".
34. 
    I will not walk on my human's hands while he is using the computer.
35. 
    I will stop hiding all the returnables under the bed.
36. 
    Jumping on the computer desk and knocking off all the disks and papers that my human has worked all night on for work the next morning is not a good game.
37. 
    Not all of the presents under the tree belong to me, I do not need to open them all, nor do I need to hide many of them so that it is two months later when they are found.
38. 
    The bathroom cabinet will never be organized. I should stop trying to do this for my humans.
39. 
    We will not use our "weasel radar" every time our human opens the dishwasher or the clothes dryer, and run to jump in. Regardless of what we might think, we are really not helping.
40. 
    While I think it may be fun to sneak into my human's briefcase and go to work with him, he does not.